Why can’t my boyfriend be more like Spider-Man?

Issue 1: “Girl-dumb”

Picture of Spider-Man provided by http://www.business2community.com/

     Relationships.

     The state of imaginary bliss that controls society’s definition of happiness.

     As I sit here and reflect on my past experience with boys, I can’t help but compare them all to New York City’s very own webhead prodigy, Spider-Man, also known as Peter Parker.

     Every girl wants a guy who is not only book-smart, but girl-smart.

     “Really, he just has to be trustworthy, loyal, sweet, understanding, and romantic,” said Mackenzie Mann, a local high school junior.

     Being an inventor and photographer with a master’s degree in biophysics and a doctorate’s studies in biochemistry, there is no doubt that Peter Parker is quite a brilliant mind. However, his understanding of women is not equivalent to his common intellect. Despite being quite the catch, even Peter Parker, a man with super-human abilities, struggles to understand the mechanics of a woman’s mind.

     “Part of what makes girls amazing to guys is their complexity and individuality,” said Pearse Swail, a current junior at George Mason University. “However, that also makes it so hard for us [boys] to understand them.”

     Every man wonders the same question about his significant other at some point or another; what makes her tick?

     “They just don’t make any sense,” said Jimmy Slocum, a current freshman at Old Dominion University.

     Every individual is just that; an individual. Every person is different, but it’s safe to say that there are certain stereotypes that can be applied to general groups such as males and females, or to certain situations like relationships.

     I started dating my first boyfriend in my freshman year of high school, and I swear he always thought I was mad at him. I never was; until, that is, he became frustrated with me for "being moody."
     Acquisitive as said ex-boyfriend was, he was under the impression that I required gifts in order to make me happy.

     I will never forget one dispute in particular that leaves me dumbfound to this day. It had been a straining week of final projects, studying for SOL’s, and still exhausting myself by texting him until one in the morning. One night, he texted me asking me if I had an SOL the following day, saying we needed to talk. Knowing what was coming, I was heartbroken.

     What had happened? The answer to that question is the same as to many of our world’s problems: Miscommunication.

     Apparently, said boy had assumed I was angry with him for the past 2 months, despite the fact that I’d given him no reason to be, at least not intentionally. Looking back, I remember that he’d started to act weird and buy me things more frequently. I didn’t understand why back then, but in hindsight I realize that, truthfully, he was panicking. He didn’t know what was wrong with me, and when his gifts “didn’t work”, he felt that he’d exercised every possible solution.  Not bothering to ask or confront me about it, he decided to evade the situation and break up with me.

     What men need to understand is that we don’t need material items to make us happy. Sure, the thought is nice on occasion, but without the love and affection we truly seek, the gifts are void.

     “You don’t need to give me anything; All I need is your attention,” said Tanisha Stokes-Hull, another local high school junior. “Guys don’t need to buy me things. That makes me feel like they’re trying to buy my love.”

     All a girl truly needs is a guy who will be her superhero, save her life, and treat her like she saves his every day. This has been my daily bagel.