Memorial Day

Photo of memorials provided by northdelawhere.happeningmag.com

One year ago today, my best friend told me that he enlisted in the army, and here is the Facebook status I wrote shortly after this heart-breaking news:

“There will come a time in your life when something happens. Something so catastrophic that you can’t begin to process it. I’m not talking about your boyfriend breaking up with you after 5 years, or someone “ruining your social life” at school. I’m talking about your dad getting deployed to fight in a war or your best friend telling you that they enlisted to risk their life and fight for our country in the front line.

The initial state of disbelief hits, and you relentlessly tell them that they are messing with you; they must be joking.

Eventually, after making them promise on their life that they aren’t joking, you come to the realization that it is happening. Your stomach twists and you get the urge to slap them for doing this. You want to tell them that they can't go, that you need them more here than they need him out there. More than anything, though, you want to hug them. You want to hug them because you are so unspeakably proud of them and want to cherish every single millisecond you have with them.

They treat it like it’s nothing, because they don’t understand. They just don't seem to comprehend how much you value them and their mere existence in your life. You love them and completely dread considering that anything could happen to them, but you know they need your undying support more than anything.

All of this happens in one instance, and as all of these emotions sort themselves out, you get a renewal in your value of life. You realize that this can happen to anyone, and that things and people in your life are not perpetual. You know now that you are powerless against fate, and what is going to happen will happen despite your endless efforts. You can't protect yourself from life and all of its cruel twists, but you can protect yourself from regret. Don’t regret not telling your mom goodbye, and don’t regret ending a discussion on a bad note as your friend drives away. Enjoy the people in your life while you have them, and never forget how fragile people are. Forgive that girl who bullied you in middle school or that boy who screwed with your heart last summer, because it’s so insignificant in the long run. All of those people came into your life for a reason and shaped you into who you are today. Thank them and forgive them, because without them you would be an entirely different person. All of those hateful memories do nothing except chain you down and prevent you from living the life of happiness that was meant for you. Just be happy.

Happy Memorial Day to all of you who have lost someone in the military. They gave up everything for us. Thank you so much.”

            Family and friends commented on the status, telling me how proud they were of my maturity at such a young age. This, though, didn’t faze me or make me smile; I appreciated the sweet words of my dear ones, but they didn’t help me to regain the happiness I felt in the presence of my best friend. Over those next few months, I spent as much time with him as possible and showed him how much I care about him whenever I could: notes, random presents when he was upset, constant texts and Snapchats to let him know when I was thinking about him.

Talking on the phone with him a couple of nights ago, I felt the harsh reality of the phrase “history repeats itself,” as my stomach dropped in the exact way it did a year ago.

 “I got confirmed to go to Afghanistan,” he said nonchalantly.

 As if the past six months hadn’t been hard enough without him, he now had to leave and fight in a third-world country. Tears welled in my eyes and my throat tightened as I listened to his light, cheerful voice ringing through my phone. I loved listening to him talk, and my stomach dropped as I thought of not being able to hear his voice for nine months while he fights in Afghanistan. Contemplating worse-case scenarios, I began to imagine my goofball becoming hardened and depressed.

With every awful scenario I imagined, the wrenching in my stomach increased indefinitely; I couldn’t stop the feeling of anxiety that overwhelmed me. My heart ached for him to not leave, for him to be home, for none of this to be happening. It is happening, though, and I can’t stop that. So over the past few days, I’ve started packing for a trip to see him half-way across the country.

So many people tell me that it’s a waste of money, and I should save for my future; but if there is one thing that hasn’t changed over this past year, it’s that I can’t stand around worrying. In the end I will only regret each chance I didn’t take, and this is one of those things. Despite financial blockades, I have faith that I will make it to go see him before he leaves for Afghanistan. This is one of those things that I will remember for the rest of my life, and I guarantee I will never regret going on an adventure to make a last memory with my best friend for a while.

Memorial Day is a time to honor those who have fallen for our country, and it is also a time to be grateful for what we have. I plan to cherish my soldier while he is here, his child-like persona still gleaming in his eyes as we laugh together. 

As you gather this evening, cooking hotdogs and hamburgers on a grill, look around and appreciate the people surrounding you; because some people aren’t lucky enough to have their loved ones with them today.