Issue 5: Physical attraction's place in a relationship
Photo of Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy provided by https://i.pinimg.com/originals/e0/bc/4a/e0bc4a06288f40434b762837b3c96850.jpg
He snores too loud. She whines all the time. They fight constantly. But they still love each other.
In every relationship, there are problems; but in every healthy relationship, the couple can pause during difficult times and go back to the base of their relationship to work things out. Whether or not their relationship continues is partially dependent upon how their journey began. If based solely on physical attraction, the foundation crumbles.
Thinking about the one and only Peter Parker with discontent, Gwen Stacy questions their relationship in his absence; whether he's busy making excuses to Aunt May or off fighting crime, he never seems to be around. It's times like these when Gwen has to remember that these obstacles in the relationship are because of his alter-ego, Spiderman, and she fell in love with Peter Parker. While Spiderman will always be a part of their relationship, she needs to think back to the nerdy kid in the high school halls stuttering in attempt to ask her on a date. That is the boy she fell in love with and the boy that is just as stressed, missing her through all the chaos; it is that emotional connection and attraction which holds them together and creates a strong foundation for their relationship.
Attraction is defined as the power of evoking interest, pleasure, or liking for something or someone. Many people assume that the power comes from physical appearance, or beauty. Defined as a combination of qualities that please the aesthetic senses, beauty is not a strong base for a relationship or even general attraction, as it appeals only to the eyes, not necessarily the heart.
In his novel Paper Towns, John Green said "That's always seemed so ridiculous to me, that people want to be around some people because they're pretty. It's like picking your breakfast cereals based on color instead of taste."
While Green is right in saying that people shouldn't eat cereal based entirely off of color, we can all remember a time in our youth when we eyed the Captain Crunch on the top shelf after crinkling our nose at the Raisin Bran our mom put in the cart, despite it being tasty in is own way.
If being honest, a majority of people have done this in relationships, and in a majority of situations, it hasn't worked out. This quote by Green always reminds me of one specific person, who we'll call Kyle. Kyle was a cashier at a grocery store down the road a couple summers ago, and every day after the gym, I would buy a green PowerAde and check out in his line; he was just so cute, and he always flirted with me in the check out line. I was so sure that he was my next boyfriend, especially after he got my number and we started "talking" (The term millennials use to describe the pre-relationship flirting phase, which has come to be used as an excuse to lack commitment in the relationship). We really did like each other, but not because of the other's personality. I thought he was cute, he thought I was cute, and we were both mediocre conversationalists. Then when we got into our first fight, he said "I'm not going to waste time on you," showing how much he truly valued me.
Kyle and I were a prime example of what will happen if a relationship is based on beauty and-or physical attraction. This is not to say that being physically attracted to your partner is of no importance; Gwen Stacy loves Peter Parker for Peter Parker, but to say that his being Spider Man doesn't increase the attraction would more than likely be a lie -- there's no way that super-human strength is not a turn on. However, if that chemistry is not there between two people, it cannot be forced.
When I was a junior in high school, one of my good friends asked me out on a date. I said yes, because I wanted to like him. He was kind, he treated me right, he genuinely admired my personality, we had fun together and liked similar things; but I didn't feel anything for him. I tried to develop feelings for him, but I couldn't force it. In other situations like this, the attraction isn't there at first but develops over time, and that is great as long as it happens naturally.
Relationships should never be based on beauty, but they should never be forced, either. Some relationships start at a glance, and some people don't realize how attracted they are to their partner until after they've gotten to know their personality. Either way it goes, the relationship starts somewhere, and that beginning will determine the rest of your relationship; whether it ends, whether you get married, and every moment prior to the potential breaking point.
This has been my Daily Bagel.
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