Senense and Slocum sitting at Panera Bread. Virginia Beach, VA. May. 2015. (Shelly Slocum)
As the new year rolls in, improbable resolutions flood social media and make prevalent the reneging nature of Americans.
On the morning of January 1, 2018 Patrick Senense, 27, made obvious the most important resolution for one teen girl, Shelly Slocum, 19; not to go back to the same guy for the fourth year in a row.
"It can make you very sick," Senense said in regards to both the mushrooms he was cooking and boys that have a tendency to hurt girls repeatedly.
Slocum admits having gone back to the same man annually since 2015, the first time taking place shortly after the above photo was taken.
"It's not gonna happen this year," Slocum said.
Senense doubts her claim, but remains hopeful that she will keep this New Year resolution. Since 2014, the pair has shared life's troubles with each other and provided advice for the other. Over the past four years, Slocum admits Senense's tendency to be "always right" when they discuss her life problems, now over the phone due to Senense's "illogical choice" to move to Los Angeles, according to Slocum.
These phone calls, while strengthening the two young adults' friendship, have solidified a newly revealed fact; that Patrick Senense is always right. Though previously an opinion shared only by Senense himself, the statement is now a wide spread phenomena that has become a universal truth.
Anyone who doubts this claim can check out the article written by Slocum herself, verifying the facts previously stated, by following this link.
So as Senense eats his potentially rotten mushrooms and Slocum "bobs these hoes," it is safe to assume their 2018 will more than likely be no better than any of the five years prior that they have known each other.
As the year of 2018 progresses, keep in mind the universally accepted truth that Senense is always right, and ask yourself the following question: What would Patrick do?
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